


How Alan Shore Saved Christmas

by alexcat



Category: Boston Legal
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-17
Updated: 2010-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-13 17:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/140062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shirley knows that Denny has plans for the holiday party and she akss Alan to help her find out what they are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Alan Shore Saved Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Magic_8ball (Nevermore)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevermore/gifts).



How Alan Shore Saved Christmas

Denny Crane was going to cause some sort of disaster at the office Christmas party. Shirley felt it in her bones. Well, that and he’d been hanging around her office a lot the last few days. That usually meant that he was going to throw himself at her again or that some poor innocent fool would end up insulted enough to sue at best, or at worst, shot by Denny.

She sighed and called Alan in his office.

“You’ve got to do something, Alan,” she said into the phone as he walked into her office. She hung up.

“About?” Alan was as slick as the slickest of lawyers and yet, he had a certain boyish appeal that even Shirley wasn’t immune to.

“Denny. He’s going to do something horrid.”

Alan smiled at her. “And you think I can stop him?”

Shirley sighed. “I suppose not but maybe you can keep an eye on him.”

Alan nodded and almost left but somehow he could never pass up a chance to talk. Or to hit on an attractive woman. “What’s in it for me?” His smile was very much the shark’s smile.

“I won’t fire you today,” Shirley said sternly but with a hint of a grin. Damn him!

“I suppose that is a victory for me then.”

And he was gone.

Shirley was still uneasy about the party. It was getting harder and harder to cover for Denny at public functions. He’d always been a horny rascal without much sense of propriety but now he had almost no sense of it at all. It was hard to admit that Denny really was getting worse every day and that he really did have Alz -- Mad Cow. It made her sadder than she could say. But she couldn’t let him embarrass the law firm any more than he already had.

*

Shirley had no idea how right she was about Denny’s intentions.

Denny smiled at the doll as he opened his closet door.

“Shirley Schmidt ‘Ho, meet Long Dong Denny Crane.” The second doll was a Denny Crane doll to match his Shirley, right down to his rather round figure and Denny-like leer. “I can’t wait for you to meet the real Shirley at the Christmas party on Saturday night. We mustn’t tell anyone. Okay? I’m going to leave you two together in here so keep it quiet.”

He gleefully closed the door on the dolls and tried to look innocent as Alan strolled into his office without knocking a few minutes later.

“So, Denny, do you have a date for the party?”

“What party?” Alan couldn’t tell if Denny was serious and had forgotten or if he was simply trying to hide something though he suspected the latter in this case.

“The Crane, Poole and Schmidt office party. I think I’ll go stag this year. Lots more fun to sample all the women than just one, don’t you think?”

“I have an idea that will win Shirley back once and for all. What does she want with that Carl anyway? He’s too tall.”

So that was what Denny was up to! It could be anything from an outrageously expensive gift to a slave from a third world country. Alan knew he needed to find out what Denny was planning. And soon!

*

By midweek, Alan still hadn’t found out Denny’s plan and Saturday was closing in on them. Shirley had just called for him to come to her office. He knew she was going to want answers, answers he didn’t have yet.

“So?”

“He’s got something planned but I can’t get a thing out of him.”

“Darn. I was sure he’d tell you. Maybe if you have one of your sleepovers, he’d tell you.”

“Denny can be pretty stubborn when he wants to.”

“Find out what he’s planning.”

So that evening as they drank their customary drink and smoked their customary cigar, Alan suggested a sleepover.

Denny looked down the length of his cigar and blew a long plume of smoke out. “Trying to find out my surprise?”

Of course that was what he wanted but he couldn’t tell Denny that! “I’d never do that,” is what he said in reply.

“In that case, sleepover it is.” Denny loved their sleepovers as did Alan. “Shall we watch Patton? Or maybe a Dirty Harry? I love movies about when men were men.”

Alan did too but he liked Denny more, probably more than any other person in his adult life, including his late wife. He often pondered their relationship, since they were total opposites on most issues, yet they were very alike. He had not yet come up with any answer except he simply liked Denny.

Alan tried all night to get Denny to spill the beans but Denny was more interested in telling stories from his past, especially stories of cases he won. And he had won many, many cases.

*

The Christmas party was a sparkling affair as all of Crane, Poole, and Schmidt’s events were. Shirley was resplendent on Carl’s arm in a black designer dress that cost as much as some of the junior staff made in a year. Carl knew Shirley was worried about something and he expected that the something was Denny. He knew his best bet was to lay low and wait for Denny to make his move. It would be some lame and possibly obscene play for Shirley, but Carl had become used to those since he’d moved down to Boston.

Sometimes he was amazed at what he’d actually become used to. There were many thing he’d never have tolerated before that seemed commonplace to him now.

He spotted Alan in a Santa suit with a pretty female elf on his arm. One miscreant accounted for. Now where was Denny?

“Carl, you’re not even listening to me,” Shirley scolded though there was no anger in her voice.

“I was looking out for Alan and Denny. They’re like bad pennies. They just keep coming back no matter how many times you get rid of them.”

Shirley smiled. “Find me a drink and I’ll be on the lookout.” She had a feeling she’d need more than one drink before the night was over.

She spotted Denny, near the back of the room. Maybe if she kept a watch, he’d never be able to catch up with her tonight.

Too late!

He’d seen her too but so had Alan. Both headed toward her. She wished she could become invisible. Better yet, she wished Denny would be invisible this once.

“Where are they?” Carl asked as he returned with her drink.

She nodded toward Denny at she sipped. She thought about downing the drink and sending Carl back for more.

“Why, hello, Denny. How are you? Oh and look, it’s our very own Santa. Got little treats for the good girls?” Shirley smiled sweetly as she said it.

Denny threw his arms around her and hugged her. “We can be together now, Shirley.”

“I’m with Carl now, Denny. Remember?” She extricated herself gently from his embrace.

Denny waved the idea of Carl away as if Carl were a gnat.

Alan steered Denny away with the promise of a drink.

“Do you think she likes Carl?” Denny asked as Santa Alan steered him to the bar.

“I think she does, Denny. And Carl seems to care for her too.”

“I got her a wonderful Christmas gift.”

Alan’s ear perked up. “Oh?”

“Yes, and I plan on giving it to her tonight. It will make her forget all about Carl.”

This had to be what he’d been talking about for the last week, Alan thought as he handed Denny his drink and steered him to one of the tables along the back of the ballroom.

“So what did you get her?”

“I have to show you. You’ll see it when Shirley does.”

“Wouldn’t you rather give her her gift in private?”

“No. I want everyone to see this.”

Alan took a long swallow of his drink. It was going to be a long night and he had an idea the gift was something horrid enough to make Carl finally insist that they retire his friend. Carl would have done it already except for Shirley’s intervention and if Denny’s gift was bad enough, even Shirley couldn’t save him.

Denny seemed settled down so Alan decided to dance with one of the secretaries who worked for Carl. He knew he’d made a mistake when he glanced at their table and found Denny gone. He began to look around and Denny was nowhere to be found.

“Damn! Could I get a rain check on the dance? I need to find someone.”

“Oh, I saw Mr. Crane go out to the kitchen.”

Alan kissed her cheek and was off. He saw Denny making his way toward Shirley with what looked like another Denny. Oh no! He’d gotten her a Denny doll! Alan ran as fast as he could through the crowded ballroom toward Shirley and Carl, who were dancing to a slow romantic song.

“There you are and there is my Denny!” Alan cut Denny off before he could say a word to anyone.

Denny looked confused when Alan took the life-sized doll from him and began to dance it toward the exit.

“But--” Denny said to Alan’s back.

“You’d better catch up with him, Denny,” Shirley urged him, hoping he would do just that and to her enormous relief, he did. He followed Alan back toward the kitchen.

“Explain,” Denny insisted as he stopped Alan.

“Denny, you can’t give this to her. If you do, then you’ll never have a chance with her. She won’t even leave her house anymore. She’ll just stay home with this handsome guy who I assume is as equipped as the Shirley doll is.”

Denny brightened. “You’re right! I never thought of it that way. Thank you, Alan, for saving the day.”

Alan smiled at him. “That’s what I’m here for, Denny. That’s what I’m here for.”

*

And that is how Alan Shore saved Christmas.

~the end~

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank Larry and Jenny for their help but mostly I'd like to thank Alan and Denny for being characters who never cease to make me smile.


End file.
